I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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