mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
