You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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