Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
