Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
third nipple confirmed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
