Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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