my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He better not be in your backpack
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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