Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
