Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
