Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
