worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
