So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
