My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
