It's Friday. Sex?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize