i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
