So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
