So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
