on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize