I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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