He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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