"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
