Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
