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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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