He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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