its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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