Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
