i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
