I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
