i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
