Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
