1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
