i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
