Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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