i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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