he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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