Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
