You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
