just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
