I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
