I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
