Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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