you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So vagazzling was a success
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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