I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
