I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize