i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ttyl tear gas
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
