bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I intend to get homeless drunk
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
