I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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