I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
