Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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