Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
