Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
its liver damage thursday
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
