Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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