Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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