We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
