We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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