I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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