We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
