Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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