It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
