She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
