I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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