I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
