I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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