we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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