I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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