I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
