My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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