Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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