apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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