I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
