Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
