direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
